Growing Older / Liz Taylor
Personal gifts are best for those in assisted care

E-mail this article Print this article Search archive

A: I've observed among my own parents and many clients that the more impaired most of us become, the less "stuff" we want. In fact, for people living in small spaces, more is less — less wanted and appreciated.

So focus on simple, personal items. For someone living in a nursing home or assisted-living facility, put yourself in that person's place. Lack of access to stores can make ordinary things seem precious. Take a look in mail-order catalogs, on the Web, in department stores, garage sales and even thrift stores, and you'll be amazed at the possibilities. Here are some ideas to get you started.

• Items that most of us take for granted can be hard to obtain in a residential care facility: stationery and stamps; an address book with the names and addresses of family and friends already inscribed; an electric toothbrush; perfume or cosmetics for a woman, cologne or a good shaver for a man; a plant for the window sill.

• Things to personalize the room, such as a calendar, a collection of family photos or an enlargement of a favorite photo for someone with limited vision.

• Items you can make (or buy): a bed jacket, a crocheted lap rug, a fabric basket to carry things in on a walker (especially nice if washable).

• Think about things your loved one can do: Give a subscription to a newspaper (perhaps from the town he or she came from) or a magazine; a bird feeder or hummingbird feeder (plus food) for the person to watch; the person's favorite music on tapes or taped messages from family members who can't visit.

• For the visually impaired, give a favorite book in large print, a subscription to the large print version of Reader's Digest, or tapes of books (available at bookstores and libraries). The Washington Talking Book and Braille Library offers free library services by mail (taped magazines and books plus machinery to run them on) — call 206-615-0400 or toll free 800-542-0866; online, go to www.spl.org/wtbbl/wtbbl.html. For a wealth of devices and educational services (including mail order) for visually impaired persons, call the Community Services for the Blind & Partially Sighted at 206-525-5556 or toll free at 800-458-4888. You can also go to www.csbps.com. Their online retail store is at www.sightconnection.com.

• Deliver a home-cooked meal or food from a nearby restaurant. Discuss any dietary restrictions with the staff nurse first. Take the person to look at the holiday lights or just go for a drive.

• You can order easy-wear, easy-care clothes and shoes designed for people with disabilities from Buck & Buck Inc., a Seattle company at 206-722-4196 (toll-free: 800-458-0600) or online at www.buckandbuck.com, or M & M Health Care Apparel Co., in Brooklyn, NY (800-221-8929).

Whatever you give, remember that nursing homes and assisted-living facilities have many people passing through the doors daily. Don't give expensive gifts, and always put the resident's name on them. Confused residents are responsible for much of what disappears. Use an indelible laundry marker to print the owner's name on fabric goods, and engrave his or her name on other items, such as watches.

But the best gift of all is a visit from you. You might be surprised to discover that nursing homes and assisted-living facilities can be joyous places around the holidays. The halls and dining rooms are decorated, carolers often come by, special treats are planned and most facilities take care to make residents feel part of the festivities. Compared to living at home alone, residents are often in the thick of holiday happenings.

So, if you're not used to visiting, this is the best time of year to do so. If you have a hard time finding something to talk about, go to an event at the facility, such as caroling, a meal or a holiday party. Bring family photos, taped music or a video (rented or family-made) to watch together. Some facilities have the machinery to lend for these occasions, so be sure to schedule what you need ahead of time.

Q: I'm 78 and live in a large home in Seattle. Where can I find out about sharing my home with someone younger to keep me company and share expenses?

A: Senior Services' Homesharing Program is just the ticket. This is a nonprofit intergenerational housing program that matches Seattle homeowners with people looking for a place to live. One person in each match must be 55 or older. All participants are carefully screened for character, reliability and compatibility, including a police background check. It's free, but a $15 donation is requested. Call 206- 448-5725 or go to www.seniorservices.org/homesharing/homeshare.htm for more information.

Liz Taylor's column runs Mondays in the Northwest Life section. A specialist on aging and long-term care, she consults with individuals and teaches workshops on how to plan for one's aging — and aging parents. E-mail her at growingolder@seattletimes.com or write to P. O. Box 11601, Bainbridge Island, WA 98110. You can see earlier columns at www.seattletimes.com/growingolder/.

Copyright © 2003 The Seattle Times Company