Growing Older / Liz Taylor
Seek respite care for 78-year-old full-time caregiver

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A: There should be a label on the forehead of every disabled older person, "Warning. Caring for me may be hazardous to your health!"

Research at the University of Pittsburgh had shown that older caregivers of ailing spouses are 63 percent more likely to die prematurely than their noncaregiving counterparts. The prolonged stress, loss and physical demands of caregiving, and the biological vulnerabilities of being older, result in earlier-than-necessary deaths from illnesses such as heart disease, stroke and cancer.

An adult son recently told me that his dad, while caring for his wife who had terminal cancer, died suddenly from a massive stroke, well before his wife. We were left to wonder whether he could have lived longer if he'd had more help as a caregiver.

Whatever your age, if you are the primary caregiver of an older person, you must plan time off for yourself as conscientiously as you plan for your loved one's care. The more care you provide, the more you need time to refuel, to recharge your batteries. If your mom or dad is the main caregiver, your job is to persuade him or her to take time off — not only to live longer but to provide better care longer.

It's called "respite" care, services that allow you to take a break from the day-to-day, night-to-night demands of caregiving. Here are several respite options.

• Get others to help. If someone offers, "Whenever you need me," take him or her up on it. I've seen adult children, grandchildren, neighbors and old family friends pinch-hit wonderfully when presented with specific tasks.

• Investigate adult day centers, places that care for frail or disabled adults during the day while their caregivers work or take time off. Providing exercise, music, games, a meal and group discussions, their activities are designed to help people with disabilities keep their minds and bodies moving and their spirits high. Participants can attend once a week or daily. For a hot-off-the-press directory of adult day centers in our state, contact the Washington Adult Day Services Association at 206-461-3899 or toll free, 888-609-2372.

• Hire someone to take your place for an afternoon every week — privately or through a home-care or companionship agency. For a list of agencies, call Senior Information & Assistance in Seattle at 206-448-3110 (toll free at 888-435-3377) or go online at www.seniorservices.org. You may qualify for subsidized in-home help if you're an unpaid caregiver who provides at least 12 hours of care a day. To learn more, contact Senior Information & Assistance.

• If you can get away for a couple of days or a week, your loved one can live temporarily at an adult family home, assisted-living facility or nursing home.

• Emergency respite (such as when the caregiver is hospitalized) can be obtained through the Crisis Clinic at 206-461-3200.

• For assistance developing a respite plan, call Senior Information & Assistance. Ask for a list of geriatric-care managers who will create a respite plan for a fee or for their Caregiver Outreach and Support Program, which will create one for free. Both will come to your home and assess your needs, then help you connect with the right services.

Q: It's not my parents but my disabled sister who needs someone to come to her home and provide care. She's on Medicaid and lives in a rural area. DSHS (The state Department of Social and Health Services) says it's up to us to find someone.

A: Here's a good example of how care resources differ based on location. If you were looking for a Medicaid-paid in-home worker in a highly populated area such as Seattle, your DSHS case manager would help you connect with a home-care agency that accepts Medicaid. In less-populated areas there may be no one available, so the family must find its own worker.

Sources include a neighbor, an ad in the newspaper or on bulletin boards, and your local community center. If a family member (but not a spouse) is willing to quit work to provide care, it is possible — although not certain, given the budget — that DSHS will pay them.

"Medicaid" pays for care in a nursing home for eligible low-income, impaired people, while "COPES" is a similar program that pays for care in other settings, such as at home or in adult family homes. Differences are marginal, but, ever ready to make a complicated system more complex, our state uses two different terms for similar outcomes.

Liz Taylor's column runs Mondays in the Northwest Life section. E-mail her at growingolder@seattletimes.com or write to P. O. Box 11601, Bainbridge Island, WA 98110.

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