For those who hate Turkey Day, thanks, food, an indie mood

Wanna know the dirty little secret of Thanksgiving entertaining? Hosts who really love to cook reeeaaally hate Turkey Day.

Think about it. What are you making? An earth-shattering new menu? Nope. It's the same old, same old. Turkey; gravy; mashed potatoes; marshmallow sweet potatoes; and that trailer-trash favorite, green-bean casserole with cream of mushroom soup and those nasty little canned fried onions. Blech!

That's why I often host an anti-Thanksgiving dinner two weeks before Dia de los Puercos. The centerpiece is always an alterna-bird. One year it was Mexican-spiced; another year, tandoori. And I ask friends to bring the dishes they pine for but never get to eat on the Day of Dread.

We've dined on smoked salmon, caviar, Caesar salad, pumpkin risotto, chocolate mousse and all kinds of nontraditional fare.

Alterna-Thanksgiving is nonconformist and fun and often gives rise to cathartic confessionals — let's call them ghosts of turkeys past.

If you're sick of the boring, Pilgrim-praising rituals, rebel! Create your own celebration, either on the day itself or shortly beforehand. I guarantee you'll find cohorts who are just as tired of it as you are. Who knows? You may start a movement that takes on a life of its own.

Here are a few ideas to get you thinking.

1. Antidote to Thanksgiving. This is the original idea. Make turkey with a twist. Friends called my chili-cumin version "Turkey Loco" because I served it with flour tortillas, salsa and margaritas.

But you could make turkey mole or tamales, or find an Indian restaurant that will prepare a tandoori turkey and serve it with cranberry chutney.

Then have your friends fill in with dishes that complement the bird.

2. Vegetarian Thanksgiving. Ever given a thought to how obnoxious Turkey Day might be to vegetarians? Vow not to roast the big-breasted beast this year. And don't get Tofurkey either — to many vegetarians, it makes as much sense as eating a rubber duckie.

There are all kinds of delectable alternatives: butternut-squash lasagna, acorn squash filled with cornbread stuffing, oven-roasted vegetables on a bed of garlic mashed potatoes. Once you've got your main dish figured out, call friends and tell them to bring their best meatless dishes.

Turkeys around the world will warble your praises. (It would not be a pleasant sound.)

3. I Hate To Cook on Thanksgiving. So don't! Get a ready-to-eat turkey from a store or restaurant. Have friends bring purchased pies. Go to a great upscale grocery store and buy ready-made dressing, pies, hunks of gingerbread and all manner of appetizers.

Make your entire dinner using nothing but the microwave.

4. Understanding the true meaning of Thanksgiving. Have family and friends volunteer to work with you at soup kitchens dishing up meals for folks who can't afford a Thanksgiving meal or just need a friendly place to go for dinner. You'll never forget the experience.

5. Slacker Thanksgiving. Throw in the dish towel. Don't even get dressed. Have your buddies come over in their pajamas. Serve TV dinners. Open some box wine, or pool all the money you save to splurge on a couple bottles of champagne.

Serve store-bought desserts on paper plates, or better yet, just open a box of chocolates. You'll be done with dinner early, so hit the movie theater and check out a matinee. Feel smug about all the hassles you avoided. Best of all, you won't be eating turkey sandwiches until Christmas.