Tales from the land of (expired) milk and (decades-old) honey

Well, it's obviously not just my mother-in-law whose fridge is stocked with "antiques." And my dad was far from the only canned-food hoarder whose cupboards bore "exotica."

I nearly fell out of my chair laughing at the online responses to last week's column, "A fridge too far: Those pickles are from when?" (www.seattletimes.com/living). And if those tales of "whoa!" weren't enough — here's some commentary from my personal inbox, courtesy of readers who say, "We can relate!"

"Loved your story! When my sister and I used to visit my old (and thankfully partially blind) grandmother, we'd steal the oldest stuff out of the fridge and bury it in her backyard. We were afraid she'd pick up the scent in the trash can. One of her devoted neighbors saw us digging in the backyard and nearly turned us in! She clearly had the same sense of 'economy' my grandmother did. Close call! Thanks for making me laugh and reminding me of my beloved Mama."

— Catherine Glavan

"Your Wednesday morning article couldn't have struck closer to home. We, too, feared some sort of writhing, agonizing death after a weekend visit with my elderly mother in Yakima. After suggesting for years that certain things had to go, I resorted to flat-out subterfuge and deep-sixed a jar or two or three on each visit.

"The worst, though, was her 'Garbage Salad,' (not her name for it). I had given her a recipe for broccoli salad several years ago and in her usual manner, she improved upon it. She added shredded carrots and sunflower seeds and canned pineapple, etc., etc. AND a couple of heaping spoons full of TANG! Remember Tang? She served this salad at every meal, in spite of the fact that my sister and I told her we didn't like 'broccoli salad.' We're pretty sure it was the original salad she started 8 or 10 years ago. She just kept adding to it! It smelled funny, it looked funny, and she absolutely loved it.

"When Mom moved to assisted living five years ago, we rented a Dumpster and tossed dozens of jars of home-canned produce. We didn't even save the jars as we feared if we opened them the resulting toxic cloud might contaminate the entire neighborhood. Mom passed away last August at the age of 95 and it wasn't from anything she ate. Thanks for the chuckle and some fond memories."

— Dawn Azure

"My dad was an inveterate pack rat. After he died, my sister and I found two cases of five-pound cans of honey — six to a case if I remember correctly. We reasoned that honey lasts forever so at least something of his hoard might be usable (in addition to 50+ rolls of toilet paper and paper towels). We opened one can and it was totally black inside — the honey, the can itself, all of it. It looked and smelled like used motor oil — and we thought honey lasted forever. Every can was the same, so God only knows how long ago he 'got a good deal' on that honey....

"An elderly friend of mine collected her bacon drippings in a crock, which spent its entire life on top of the stove. Her specialty was chile rellenos which she fixed for a bunch of us one evening, fried in the antique drippings. They had the oddest taste which none of us could identify until her (fairly new) husband asked what she had fried them in. Turns out, he thought the bacon drippings can was trash and he'd been dropping the odd cigarette butt in there for months."

— Nancy Hauser

"My mother would have a piece of toast with her coffee every morning before walking a mile to work (we only had one car). If she didn't finish the toast, she would keep it on top of a 'piece' of napkin (which she tore off so as not to waste the entire paper napkin!), and it would sit out all day until she came home that night. And then she would finish it while she cooked dinner!!

"My husband uses my departed mother's name in jest (lovingly of course) for anyone who takes a small bite of food or who saves a small amount of food instead of just discarding it; he says, "It's a 'Virginia bite.' " But she did love food, and it was our joy in her later life to treat her to special foods she liked — but would never spend money on — just to see the look of excitement on her face! Thank you for bringing my mother's face back into my mind this workday!"

— Vee Harris

"Some years back, when my father asked after supper for 'something sweet,' my mother replied, 'OK, you can have the half a stale doughnut in the back of the freezer.' To this day, many years later, my two grown children, who were teens at the time, will laughingly offer 'a half a stale doughnut' when one of the family asks for 'something sweet.' "

— Joan Soltys

"After my mom entered assisted living, my 83-year-old dad's frugality and down-home-ness escalated. (On my regular caregiving visits to Medford [Oregon], I often incensed Dad by insisting on cleaning out the artifacts lurking in the fridge, although I never was able to convince him that saved bacon fat should at least be refrigerated; no, it was kept in an old tin can on top of the stove.)

"Anyway, at lunchtime during one visit last year, I walked into the kitchen to be greeted with, 'Why don't you join me in having a crab salad? I've been working on eating up your mother's home-canned crab.' Dad had a hard time understanding my emphatic 'No, thanks!' but I was adamant. You see, I was there when Mom canned that crab, and carefully wrote the date on top of each lid: 1982. Amazingly enough, my dad lived to eat his way (solo!) through the entire case."

— Judith Rickard

"Thank you for the article on keeping foods beyond their time. But for the record, you demonstrated without saying so why it's better to be a bachelor who dabbles in culinary experiments rather than an overly-frugal parent: When an elderly bisque I forget about reaches critical mass, blows the door off the fridge and wilts the neighbor's plants, I KNOW it's not 'nice' or 'fine' anymore. Time to throw it away — carefully. Thus, the temptation to serve it is conveniently eliminated."

— Keith Stephens

"When I visited my 95-year-old aunt, she had two blocks of cheese in her fridge, the kind that the government gives to the poor. She wasn't getting government food, but someone had given it to her. One of the blocks was moldy, so I threw it out. She was furious, because she said the mold could have been cut off. I don't know if you ever tasted that government 'cheese,' but it is practically inedible anyway. God knows how long it had been in her fridge, as she certainly wasn't eating it."

— Susan P. (last name withheld on request)

"You made my day! As a 20-some-year professional housecleaner, the battles I've had over cleaning the fridge are historic! After about 5 years, I got to the point that I could not and would not even wipe out refers anymore. I'd had phone calls, verbal abuse and request to restock refers — at my expense. I thought I'd done the bidding of the homeowner, [only] to learn I'd thrown away something akin to 'precious.'

— Greg Bushman

"My sister and I just returned from visiting my grandmother in Eastern Washington. We had been grocery shopping with her and waiting as she pored over every label on every can, trying to determine if it had been made in China. Apparently she is very concerned with being poisoned by food products made in China.

"We returned to the house and were preparing dinner — which called for Worcestershire sauce. Well, Nana pulls out this bottle from the cupboard and hands it to my sister (aren't you supposed to refrigerate after opening?). My sister commented that Nana needed to get a new bottle of the sauce because this one had separated. Nana then replied that she had brought that bottle with her (opened) when she had moved from Seattle to Eastern Washington — eight years ago!! Then stated that she uses it all the time!! I am still not clear why she was concerned about being poisoned by the food from China. I think her worries are a little closer to home!"

— Jeana Thompson

Nancy Leson: 206-464-8838 or nleson@seattletimes.com.