Picky eaters: tips for hosts and guests

Picky eaters can't always avoid cilantro on their salmon and blue cheese in their salad. Sometimes they are invited for dinner in someone's home, posing a challenge for themselves and their hosts.

Etiquette expert Peggy Post is the author of the 17th edition of the classic American guide to manners written by her great-grandmother-in-law, Emily Post, in 1922. Marian McEvoy writes about modern manners and entertaining for Domino magazine. We asked their advice.

Q: As a host or hostess, how should I deal with picky guests?

Post: "If it's a large function, you should be cognizant of well-known problems like peanut or peanut-oil allergies. But you don't have to ask every single guest about dietary restrictions. If you serve vegetables and the basics, everybody can find something to eat. But if you're putting on a small dinner party or you're having houseguests, it's really helpful to ask if they are allergic to anything."

Q: Can a picky eater alert a host ahead of time?

McEvoy: "You are in a home, not a restaurant; if necessary, calling or e-mailing to alert a host to significant food aversions is acceptable, just be diplomatic and kind about it."

Q: If nothing I eat is served, how do I avoid being hungry?

Post: "If you're worried, have a shake ahead of time. And if it's a dinner party, you can offer to bring a dish that would complement the meal."

McEvoy: "If people notice you're not eating, say, 'Gosh, I've had such a large lunch.' Take a little bit of everything and push it around on your plate."

And at the table, she adds: "Who wants to talk about your neuroses during a dinner party? Sparkle in your conversation, and keep it to yourself."