Hollywood, land of mean girls, sets standard for "frenemies"

Keep your friends close — and your frenemies even closer.

What's that? You've never heard of frenemies? It's really quite simple: Friend + enemy.

Frenemy.

It's not necessarily a new concept — businesses have long used the term to describe friendly competitors.

But lately, in the cat-eat-cat world of actresses, pop divas and celebutants, the term's taken on a decidedly darker meaning.

If you keep up with the tabloids, you already know it's starting to feel a lot like junior high around here as young celebs use the mag/rags as an updated variation of the slambook:

Buddy up, break up, then make up — maybe even get a leg up.

And, experts say, it's not just some superficial Tinseltown phenomenon — it's become a popular spectator sport. And a practice that many noncelebrity women are imitating.

Look up "frenemy" in a pop-culture reference book, and you'd most likely find Paris Hilton's picture — she's practically made a career out of using the media to manipulate her camera-ready "friendships."

Here's a quick primer, just in case you haven't been following along: Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie were best friends, but then they weren't because, as Hilton told the tabs, Nicole knows what she did.

Carousel of putdowns

So then, Richie's hanging with Lindsay Lohan. But wait, The Lohan is BFF with Hilton — except for the part where Hilton is caught, on camera, laughing as C-list pal Brandon Davis makes an, um, unflattering reference to Lohan's hair color. Then, Lohan, in a fit of payback, returns the favor by dissing Hilton to the paparazzi — an incident conveniently caught on video, of course.

But who cares, 'cause Hilton is hitting the town with Britney Spears. Oops, we did it again — make that was, because, the last we checked, they both, like, totally hated each other. Oh yeah, and Hilton and Richie? Friends. Again. Or, so they say.

Immature? Yes, but even so — we like to watch.

Perhaps no one knows this better than Katrina Szish. As a contributing editor to US Weekly, Szish makes a living trying to keep up with the ins and outs of Hollywood's Mean Girls.

And their snarky little smack downs?

"That's why US Weekly [and other such publications] exists," Szish says, on the phone from her Manhattan office. "Now, more than ever, celebrities are in the spotlight for this reason."

Even nontabs have noticed; Newsweek chronicled the escapades of Hilton and Spears in its Feb. 12 cover story.

"This 'frenemy' concept [is] part of what makes Hollywood Hollywood," Szish says.

And fortunately for those who make it their business to know, "there's always," Szish adds, "one diva who's more divalicious than the others."

Take Paris Hilton. Please.

The heiress who is most famous for being famous is the biggest "oh no, she didn't" tongue-wagging favorite, according to Szish.

"Whenever there's a problem, there's one girl that it all comes back to," Szish says. "It's like 'six degrees of Paris Hilton.' There's always a connection to her — she's the ringleader."

Hilton's recent flash friendship with the newly single Spears epitomizes the very essence of frenemies, Szish says.

Furthermore, that brief Hilton-Spears accord, neatly squeezed in between Thanksgiving and Christmas, was a very media-savvy move, as the resulting split by the blond bombshells was reported by the likes of US Weekly and Page Six with the kind of gravitas normally reserved for divorces.

"Paris is a marketing genius," Szish says. "These [fake friendships] help her career."

Still, it's Szish's opinion that Hilton's media moves are most likely powered by immaturity and self-doubt.

"Paris has to be the most insecure girl in Hollywood," Szish says.

Susan Shapiro Barash agrees, although she adds that the hotel heiress has plenty of catty company among the noncelebrity set.

That's because real-world women increasingly see backstabbing, gossip and fake alliances as a ladder to the top, says Barash, author of "Tripping the Prom Queen: The Truth About Women and Rivalry" (St. Martin's Press, $22.95, 274 pages), published last year.

"We live in a culture where there's not enough pie to go around," says Barash, on the phone from her Manhattan office.

Distilled down to its petty core, Barash says, it's ultimately about jealousy, power and a desire for more, more, more.

"Our dirty little secret is that some [women] pretend to support each other, but they really don't," Barash says. "It's ultimately about, 'If she gets the job or the promotion, if she gets married or pregnant, than I can't.' ... "

Moreover, she adds, this proclivity to go through pals like a pair of cheap stilettos is, primarily, a girl thing.

"While men compete over sports and then go have a beer together, with women, it's more personal," Barash says.

But even if this oversimplifies the whole men-are-from-Mars contrast, one thing is certain: It's an attitude that's getting illuminated — and therefore admired — beneath the celebrity culture's faux glow.

Out of hand

Such therapy fodder wouldn't be so studied if stars adhered to a "what happens in Hollywood, stays in Hollywood" philosophy, says Carolyn Kaufman, a clinical psychology professor at Ohio's Columbus State Community College.

Although these behaviors are first learned on the playground, Kaufman adds, the Hiltons and the Lohans of the world teach us that not only are predator friendships cool, they can result in personal gain.

The consequences, Kaufman says, on the phone from her Columbus home, can be socially destructive.

"As celebrity culture emphasizes this kind of competition and [behavior], it damages a woman's ability to form strong relationships with each other," Kaufman says. "It makes it easier to think this is OK."

But, not all is lost. And just as it starts with celebrities, it can end with them, Barash says.

Her advice to Hilton and the rest of the Hollywood Heathers?

"First, you need to admit that you have a problem — that you're undermining your friendships," Barash says.

"Then, use that as a jumping-off point to create your own success and happiness. We're individuals, and just because your friend has something doesn't mean you can't have it, as well.

"Have a little respect for the highs and lows of every friendship."