Hey, Patches Pals: J.P., Stan Boreson are on TV tonight!

Middle-age locals, fear not about age. Consider just how good J.P. Patches looks. Nary a line on his face, eyes still twinkling and those curls: lush and pert. Could his secret be all those decades of moisturizing white clown makeup or the fact that he's always got a bag of candy at hand?

This is what perfection looks like. (So reads a button, one of oodles, along with a mini rubber chicken, adorning his hat.) And who's bold enough to argue with that characterization? Certainly not the hundreds (thousands?) of Patches Pals living among us.

A recent exchange in my own house:

"I'm interviewing J.P. Patches."

"You're what?!!! Luckeeeeee you!"

Julius Pierpont Patches hosted a children's show on KIRO-TV from 1958 to 1981. He was here before the Space Needle, and an entire generation might argue J.P.'s an even greater local icon. Or at least a lot more colorful: buttercup jacket; candy-cane-striped Converse; giant red nose and mouth.

Besides, the Space Needle, or for that matter the Fremont Troll, never supplied folks with Thumbs Ups, catching smiles or a checklist of rules, which serve well today: Drink milk, brush teeth, hang up clothes. In his Magic House, set in a mythical city dump, J.P. tickled countless Patches Pals, some who remain heartbroken their names never got announced on air.

So heed this bit of news: J.P. returns to the air tonight on the Seattle Channel in a 90-minute program featuring new segments as well as vintage ones. Appearances include the late Seattle sportscaster Wayne Cody and Bob Newman playing Patches' show faves Gertrude and Boris S. Wort. Santa Claus also shows up, as does the genial Stan Boreson — "King of Scandinavian Humor" — who swears he's looking old but no, he's quite handsome in person, especially with that accordion.

We caught up with J.P. (Chris Wedes) as he taped the holiday program at the Seattle Channel studio.

On the lasting impression he made to so many kids:

"It wasn't a goody-two-shoes type show. I never talked down to kids. And parents and adults liked [the show] as well.

"We were a bunch of adults having fun and playing with the idea that we could do whatever."

On current children's TV programs:

"It's sad that there aren't any local programs. [Kids] lined up to meet J.P. at grocery stores. Now, they don't have any local heroes."

On encountering his Patches Pals:

"I've got two birthdays coming up. There are still so many Patches Pals around. Most of them are in their 40s and 50s.

"I was in Lynnwood once. It was 1960 or so and a little girl put her hands on her hips and said, 'You're not J.P. Patches. Because he's black-and-white!' "

On J.P.'s girlfriend Gertrude:

"I found out two weeks ago: He's a man! [Bob Newman] was a hugely funny guy. We got along just great. The last time we worked together was Halloween." (Wedes, who retired from KIRO in 1990, still makes frequent appearances as Patches for public and private events.)

J.P. used to refer to Boris S. Wort as "the second meanest man in the world." So who's the meanest?

"I'd say to kids, 'I think you know.' And they'd look at me and they'd nod and say, 'Yeah. It's my principal. Mr. Peterson!' or something."

Contrary to how often J.P. was seen in public, Boris S. Wort only made one such appearance.

"When we got onto a field, there were so many kids, they ran and knocked him over and they started kicking him because the kids thought he was so mean."

J.P. is a sprightly 78 years old. Smart too. Did you know he speaks Spanish and some Greek? And this bit of trivia: Tikey Turkey, the overachieving rubber chicken on the show, was once named Kevin Turkey.

"But a mother called up and said please, my little boy is named Kevin and he's being teased in school. So I named him Tikey." Which happens to be Wedes' nickname.

Florangela Davila: 206-464-2916 or fdavila@seattletimes.com