Bantering buds

The original "Clerks" included fanboy debates over esoteric details in the original "Star Wars" trilogy. For a taste of the characters' now-classic banter, here's an excerpt:

Randal Graves: Which did you like better? "Jedi" or "The Empire Strikes Back"?

Dante Hicks : "Empire."

RG: Blasphemy!

DH: "Empire" had the better ending. I mean, Luke gets his hand cut off, finds out Vader's his father, Han gets frozen and taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. I mean, that's what life is, a series of down endings. All "Jedi" had was a bunch of Muppets.

RG: There was something else going on in "Jedi" — I never noticed it until today. They build another Death Star, right?

DH: Yeah ...

RG: Now the first one was completed and fully operational before the rebels destroyed it ...

DH: Luke blew it up. Give credit where credit is due.

RG: ... and the second one was still being built when they blew it up.

RG: Something just never sat right with me that second time around. I could never put my finger on it but something wasn't right.

DH: ... and you figured it out.

RG: The first Death Star was manned by the Imperial Army. The only people on board were Stormtroopers, dignitaries, imperials ...

DH: Basically.

RG: So when they blew it up, no problem, evil is punished.

DH: And the second time around?

RG: The second time around it wasn't even done being built yet — it was still under construction.

DH: So?

RG: So, a construction job of that magnitude would require a helluva lot more manpower than the Imperial Army had to offer. I'll bet they brought independent contractors in on that thing — plumbers, aluminum siders, roofers ...

DH: ... and not just Imperials, is that what you're getting at?

RG: Exactly. In order to get it built quickly and quietly they'd hire anybody that could do the job. You think the average Stormtrooper knows how to install a toilet main? All's they know is killin' and white uniforms.

DH: All right, so they bring in independent contractors. Why are you so upset about its destruction?

RG: All those innocent contractors brought in to do the job were killed — casualties of a war they had nothin' to do with. All right, look: You're a roofer — some juicy government contract comes your way. You've got a wife and kids, the two-story in suburbia, this is a government contract, which means all sorts of benefits. Along come these left-wing militants that blast everything within a three-mile radius with their lasers. You didn't ask for that, you have no personal politics, you're just trying to scrape out a living!