Tonight marks the 9 o'clock debut of Fox's "Reunion," a show that starts in 1986, advances a year per episode, and is awful enough to make you pray there won't be a Clinton administration.

The one-hour soap features a group of six close friends. They're college-bound and photogenic, yet about to be burdened by the usual infidelity, pregnancy, jail and eventual cold-blooded killing of one member.

Despite the murder-mystery hook, "Reunion" is meant as a companion piece to "The O.C.," which returns tonight at 8. Both meticulously showcase the privileged class and feature a working-class hunk designed to be the show's conscience.

It's a great formula in the tradition of those early Fox hits "Melrose Place" and "Beverly Hills, 90210." Viewers get to vicariously enjoy the big houses, the designer clothes and the flashily bad behavior of the well-to-do while retaining some sense of virtue.

"Reunion" won't be joining that pantheon of its predecessors.

For starters — and I don't know how you get this wrong when "Working Girl" is on cable 24 hours a day — it looks less like the 1980s than an Abercrombie & Fitch interpretation of that era. The perfectly glossy hair and trim clothing are as egregiously wrong as Barbara Stanwyck's bouffant 'do and stretch pants in "The Big Valley."

The producers or Fox network executives must have recognized this problem, because the dialogue is awkwardly seeded with self-conscious references to the '80s. "St. Elmo's Fire" is mentioned, as is Molly Ringwald; the music also pounds home clichéd reminders.

Perhaps the lack of feel for a particular time and place wouldn't matter if "Reunion" offered the compensations of a clever plot, good acting or just plain sincerity.

But like the cover shoot it resembles, the show is ersatz through and through.

The cast has the glacéed disengagement of professional models — as if they couldn't be bothered putting too much of themselves into such leaden material.

You can't blame them. Plot twists that a blind mole could see coming are nonetheless signaled in advance by heavy-handed direction that emphasizes nervous glances, gap-jawed pauses, furtive sighs and lines like, "So we'll have a secret! Haven't YOU ever had a secret?"

"Reunion" might have worked if these elements were played for camp value. Instead, it comes across like the opening chapter of "Soap Opera for Dummies."

Tonight's episode concludes with a character recalling, "I guess you could say 1987 started off with a bang."

In case we don't get it, a gun goes off. Let's hope it was someone putting "Reunion" out of its misery.

Ryan's still suffering

"The O.C." also ended with a bang last season. Or as Marissa says tonight, "It's like this weird, horrible thing hanging over us, like the elephant in the room." Yes, assault with a deadly weapon is so annoying. From the superb cast to the neo-pop soundtrack to the gleamingly aware dialogue, it's a pleasure to see "The O.C." back.

Kay McFadden: kmcfadden@seattletimes.com