Kay McFadden / Times staff columnist
Desperate networks ABC, UPN crank up quality

PETER "HOPPER" STONE / ABC ABC's wickedly funny drama "Desperate Housewives," with Felicity Huffman, skewers suburban life. It's a promising arrival from a struggling network.

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LOS ANGELES — The dog days are supposed to be in August. They arrived early, thanks to a few misguided networks and some Sirius mistakes.

"Quintuplets." "The Jury." "Weddings." "Pepsi Smash." Just a few of the woeful efforts you've seen and rejected.

Will fall be any better? That's why critics travel to Tinseltown every July and hole up in a conference room for 18 days with the creators of television. Yes, we could sift good from bad watching screeners, but it wouldn't tell how the thing got on the schedule.

The big picture here reveals that autumn follows summer not only on the calendar, but in the minds of TV executives. While viewers have been tuning out "Method & Red," they've been happy to watch repeats of "CSI," "Law & Order" and "The Simple Life."

The reward for such loyalty: Replicant TV.

The 2004-05 season will usher in a third "CSI," a fourth "Law & Order" and a fifth installment of PBS' reality "House" series, this time with a deep-bosomed dating twist set back in Regency days. There will be more "Survivor," more "Idol," more "Top Model."

Audiences can blame themselves for getting caught in the copycat cycle — up to a point. When you make every "Law & Order" and every "CSI" a hit, it's not exactly inciting a riot of creativity.

That's where a critic edges into the frame. I'm going to drag you screaming and kicking to some new fall series that have the twin virtues of novelty and quality. In other words, they are not police procedurals, wacky domestic sitcoms or reality shows.

Amazingly, several of the noteworthy arrivals are from networks that barely have registered a pulse in recent years: ABC and UPN.

ABC, downtrodden stepchild of Disney and favorite bus stop for downwardly mobile moguls, has the makings of 2004-05's most promising show: the wickedly funny drama "Desperate Housewives."

Set in Anywhere, USA, "Desperate Housewives" may be the best skewering of suburban life since "Soap." And it's a very soaplike format, filled with the repressed yearnings and secrets of four women played by a terrific ensemble cast that includes Felicity Huffman and Teri Hatcher.

Maybe ABC has embraced the old Janis Joplin theory of freedom transferred to programming — when you're in fourth place, you've got nuthin' left to lose.

At any rate, the network also will offer "Lost," an adventure-drama about plane-crash survivors courtesy of "Alias" creator J.J. Abrams; and "Life As We Know It," a coming-of-age dramedy featuring three teenage boys from Seattle.

Not all of this stuff will pan out. In fact (obligatory disclaimer), my enthusiasm is based solely on early versions of the pilots.

But at least "Desperate Housewives" and "Lost" aren't about middle-age detectives and their youthful band of subordinates solving crimes. "Life As We Know It" doesn't feature a fat guy cracking jokes to his skinny wife while ignoring the nonessential kids.

That's not to say imitation has no virtue. After all, television only has so many concepts. Freshness can derive from the most basic premise, provided it is well-executed and possesses a different perspective.

Which brings us to UPN.

Now, I know Northwest audiences mostly have given up on UPN. The two exceptions are a maniacal devotion to anything faintly resembling "Star Trek" and the guilty distraction of "America's Next Top Model."

Such series do not a network make. However, UPN this fall will put itself on the map with "Kevin Hill" and "Veronica Mars."

The hook for "Kevin Hill" is familiar: hot single male attorney parties until one day — lo and behold — he's saddled with raising a baby and transformed into Mr. Mom.

The difference is that Mr. Mom is Taye Diggs, former supermodel. Diggs radiates enough charisma for us to overlook some of his dramatic deficits, and the unexpected addition of a gay white man as his child's nanny provides a perfect device for culture clash.

UPN also has "Veronica Mars." While cross-pollinated from "The O.C." and "Alias," this drama takes a grittier approach to the story of a teenage girl forced into social isolation while helping her detective father handle cases. Star Kristen Bell is fascinating to watch.

Those who keep tabs on the ratings know UPN also is a network with almost nowhere to go but up, and may wonder if that's what it takes to kick a network into risk-taking.

	TONY ESPARZA / CBS CBS' coming-of-age "Clubhouse," with Jeremy Sumpter, could be promising — or formulaic.

For an answer, consider the series top-rated CBS and second-ranked NBC have on tap. Almost every one falls into plodding and predictable genre, with the distinction that CBS' shows are better cast and written. (If there really is room for another chubby hubby, maybe it should be John Goodman in "Center of the Universe.")

CBS has one series that offers possibilities beyond its premise. "Clubhouse" is another coming-of-age drama about a teenager who becomes a batboy for the fictitious New York Empires. The life lessons learned en route are saved from saccharine preachiness by a surprising emotional pungency; still, it could prove formulaic.

As for NBC, it's hard to see much life beyond "Joey." The half-hour spinoff of "Friends" is lucky to have Matt LeBlanc's enormous charm, proving NBC made at least one smart choice. Minus LeBlanc, however, you've got a pretty average sitcom.

"Joey" marks the point at which the audience's taste and the network's lack thereof mysteriously collide. Fans want a reprise of "Friends;" so does NBC; so why isn't it simply terrific?

As in life, it's hard to pinpoint matters of judgment. Many networks seem caught in a bottom-line paralysis that plays it safe with derivative mediocrities and cheap reality shows whose prime objective is to furnish product placement for advertisers.

Despite the pernicious effects of corporate ownership on a creative industry, however, the system does provide a built-in cure.

We'll just have to wait until NBC and Fox touch bottom, stockholders become outraged, advertisers leave and executive heads roll. It's known in television as the law of outcry and demand.

Kay McFadden: kmcfadden@seattletimes.com

Copyright © 2004 The Seattle Times Company

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