Creating a disaster flick is as easy as ABC ...

By Bill Muller
The Arizona Republic

FRANK MASI Bruce Willis, left, and Ben Affleck in "Armageddon" save the world, by tried-and-true formula.

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In "The Day After Tomorrow," which opens today, Dennis Quaid plays a determined climatologist who teams with a prescient scientist (Ian Holm) while trying to protect his son (Jake Gyllenhaal), who is trapped in New York. As these brave characters brace for a new ice age, they hatch a scheme to save as many people as they can.

Sound familiar? It should, considering this is the plot of almost every disaster/end-of-the-world movie ever made.

With that in mind, we thought it would be fun to let you build your own story by using the stock characters and plots that always show up. Just pick one from each column and you have your movie. (To see how your picks stack up with Hollywood's, see below.)

The main character ...

A. A plucky teenage amateur astronomer

B. A blunt but sultry seismologist

C. A rough-around-the-edges oilman

D. A sarcastic mathematical genius
 
E. A down-on-his-luck birthday-party clown

... teams with ...

A. A reckless young upstart who's dating his daughter

B. A gung-ho fighter pilot

C. A rugged, no-nonsense emergency coordinator

D. An ambitious blond newscaster

E. Al Roker

... while trying to protect ...

A. The last remnants of the human race

B. A girlfriend lost in Los Angeles

C. A daughter/girlfriend waiting anxiously at NASA

D. A daughter lost in Los Angeles

E. A pet parakeet named Phyllis

... bracing for ...

A. The impact of a giant comet

B. The impact of a giant asteroid

C. An attack by space aliens

D. Lava erupting from the Earth's crust

E. Another Cher farewell tour

... and hatch a crazy plan that will ...

A. Blow up the alien mothership

B. Stanch the flow of burning rock

C. Blow up the approaching asteroid

D. Blow up the approaching comet

E. Be just crazy enough to work

of course they end up

A. Saving the world

B. Saving some of the world

C. Not saving the world but saving themselves

D. Saving most of Los Angeles

E. Saving $25 on this really cute denim skirt at Gap

Extra credit: Match the taglines to the movies.

"Oceans Rise. Cities Fall. Hope Survives."

"The Coast Is Toast."

"Earth's Darkest Day Will Be Man's Finest Hour."

"The Day We Fight Back."

Key:

A, D, A, A, D, C: "Deep Impact" ("Oceans Rise. Cities Fall. Hope Survives.")

B, C, D, D, B, D: "Volcano" ("The Coast Is Toast.")

C, A, C, B, C, A: "Armageddon" ("Earth's Darkest Day Will Be Man's Finest Hour.")

D, B, B, C, A, B: "Independence Day" ("The Day We Fight Back.")

E, E, E, E, E, E: Congratulations, you're a Hollywood screenwriter!