Perils of being taken seriously

Our annual debate about Christmas has gotten so absurd you can't even make fun of it anymore.

I know, because last week I tried. I wrote a column that was a mock letter to the Rev. Jerry Falwell, who is upset that "Happy Holidays" is replacing "Merry Christmas." I praised him for doing the Lord's will by suing and "kicking the butts" of any retail store that doesn't "heel to the Christmas spirit."

I whined that the nation's 231 million Christians were "lonely" and losing the "battle for Christmas." The proof, I wrote, can be found in Seattle's downtown malls, where "Jesus has been totally drummed out of the shopping experience."

"After we [Christians] are persecuted from the malls, how are we supposed to observe the birth of the Lord?" I lamented. "What's left for us? Just church? The family hearth?"

Now some readers thought the problem with this column was that it was poor satire. Or just not funny. Or simply inane.

All points well taken. But it was the rest of the response that knocked me over like a strong belt of eggnog. Scores of readers took the column literally. And then agreed with it.

I returned this week to find more than 200 e-mailers and 25 phone callers extolling me as a key bulwark against an atheist plot to steal Christmas.

One person thanked me for being one of the few journalists in the city to express a sentiment many feel deeply about. "I am so sick of 'Happy Holidays' as a greeting I could scream," the reader wrote.

"You are right on target about how Christmas is being taken from us," wrote another.

"God bless you," wrote another. "It's true we are at war, and we Christians better take a stand and be salt and light."

I made what I assumed were ridiculous statements. For example, I wrote: "This is a war. You're either for Christmas, or you're against it."

Yet down rang hosannas of praise. From Christians in Ireland, Canada and Hong Kong. From Christians who hadn't written to a newspaper before.

The pastor of Pomerado Road Baptist Church in California, Hans Nikoley, asked if he could reprint the "great article" for his congregation.

"Let's stay in the battle for Christmas," he signed off.

My reaction can be summed up in one word: Yikes.

Obviously these people don't speak for all Christians. But it's still sad that so many seem to feel Christmas joy depends on words in Macy's store ads. And telling that it's more about a public contest than personal observance.

Maybe my mistake was writing bad satire. Or maybe it was failing to realize these fights over the holidays now are way beyond satire.

To be crystal clear, what I meant was this: Forget about shopping, Christians. Even the Grinch figured out that Christmas doesn't come from a store.

And while I'm doling out advice: For God's sake, stop believing everything you read in the newspaper.

Danny Westneat's column appears Wednesday and Friday. 206-464-2086 or dwestneat@seattletimes.com.