Office gossip can be helpful to your career

Q: I don't like gossip, but by ignoring it I often miss out on important information. Is there an effective way to talk to co-workers about their relationships or impressions of other staff?

A: Yes, if you can keep what you say neutral (imagine it will be printed in the office newsletter) and listen for information under the "venting" your co-workers do, then gossip may help your career.

Office gossip has a bad reputation but it's normal for us to be interested in talking about each other. We talk about others because we're curious, upset and looking for solutions, or want to vent.

The folks you need to avoid are chronic complainers who are big on blaming others, playing the victim, and taking no responsibility to improve their situations.

You'll be able to spot complainers because it's always someone else's fault, they never use any advice you offer, and they're constantly at war with someone.

When you do talk about people, make sure you describe behavior you don't like without labeling it. For instance, "He arrived 10 minutes after the meeting began," not, "He's a totally disrespectful jerk!"

Gossip, at its best, is glue that helps us connect to each other. It's not your local source for accurate workplace news.

To make sure gossip is fun socially and useful professionally, make sure you never let gossip replace your own judgment.

If you're ever tempted to let a popular group opinion substitute for your own gut instincts, consider the Nazis, genocide in Rwanda and slavery.

The last word(s)

Q: My workplace is usually serious and boring. Aren't there workplaces that are playful and fun?

A: No. Remember, even the school playground was a mix of play and fighting. Some workplaces balance these two elements better than others.

Daneen Skube, Ph.D., is an executive coach, trainer, therapist and speaker. She can be reached at 1420 N.W. Gilman Blvd., No. 2845, Issaquah, WA 98027-7001; by e-mail at interpersonaledge@comcast.net; or at www.interpersonaledge.com. Sorry, no personal replies. To read other Daneen Skube columns, go to: www.seattletimes.com/daneenskube