High-tech version of a Christmas ode

With apologies to Clement Clarke Moore ... and Jim Cramer:

A few nights before Christmas, and all throughout tech

Investors kept buying — recession — what the heck?

Our stocks were all kept in the markets with care

In hopes that the bulls would go on a tear.

The VCs were nestled all snug in their beds,

No visions of tech bubbles danced in their heads.

And I with my iPhone and Ma with her Wii Zapper

Had just settled down for a tech-fueled nap, er.

When up on the screen there arose such a clatter

I tuned in Maria Bartiromo to see what was the matter.

I sprang to the Windows, grabbed the T-Mobile Dash,

Eager for news that might grow my cash.

There on the best of the financial shows:

New intraday highs — and no lows!

Then who on the afternoon screen should appear

But a guy with no hair, crazy eyes and half-beard.

It seems business spending on tech has not slowed

As Oracle assured us with profits that glowed.

Then downtrodden RIM delivered BlackBerry profits.

Doubled last year! Champagne, let us quaff it!

On AAPL, On EBAY, Santa Cramer, he shouted,

On INTC, On RIMM. The bulls can't be doubted.

To the top of the Nasdaq, to the top of the Dow,

Now cash it in! Cash it in! Cash it in! Wow.

In November, as the dry leaves did crackle and fall

The American consumer went straight to the mall.

They bought all the e-junk retailers cared to discount,

Spending's up a percent (though energy prices did mount).

Then, in a twinkling, I heard from comScore,

That shoppers online had bought even more.

Through Dec. 16, $23.5 billion we'd spent

That's up by a fifth, even though we now rent.

Yes, our house values tumbled and homes were foreclosed on

Still the American economy seems determined to roll on.

A gift from our friends in China and Singapore

Helped Wall Street banks heal subprime's gore.

As the shopping days ticked down to just a few,

St. Nick came through early for the guys in Mountain View.

FTC approval of Google's DoubleClick buy

Will give the search giant more ways to advertise.

And in Redmond the stockings weren't filled all with coal.

A big step was taken toward Softy's new goal.

An ad business we'll build, execs have exclaimed.

Customers? They've got 'em. Another just named.

The latest is Viacom whose clips were misused

On Google's site YouTube, so Viacom sued.

The battle online shows no sign of abating,

No taking a break for Christmas ice skating.

In my cozy home theater, we've gathered the family

For rock 'n' roll caroling with "Guitar Hero III."

As we sing together, the stock ticker crawls

Showing reasons a-plenty to deck the halls.

Come January when this Christmas quarter's reported,

We'll see if our optimism has been rewarded.

So recession, we beg you, please ride out of sight.

Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night.

Download, a column of news bits, observations and miscellany, is gathered by The Seattle Times technology staff. We can be reached at 206-464-2265 or biztech@seattletimes.com.