Keep context in mind when giving compliments

Q: I have a question about the column in which you told a reader who wanted to compliment co-workers that "sincere compliments are always politically correct." What if a co-worker felt sexually harassed by a compliment?

A: Your question addresses the critical importance of considering the context when we speak.

For instance, we might humorously say to our male boss, "Nice tie!" when we know he got that neon tie for Father's Day. Now imagine a male employee saying to a female co-worker, "Nice blouse!" when she's wearing a plunging neckline.

We usually know our co-workers. We know who is territorial, who is touchy and who is calm. It's not just politically correct but wise to consider whom we're speaking to before we decide what we're going to say.

The point is some risks are worth taking whether they are politically correct or not, and some risks are just plain foolish.

For instance, I counsel clients not to get romantically involved with co-workers, and in 30 years of executive coaching I've had 20 clients fall madly in love with a co-worker and find wedded bliss. I've had other clients end up with political messes after a failed love affair.

No newspaper columnist, author or expert knows as much about your specific situation, the specific people you are dealing with and the risks you are willing to take as you do.

So when I say, "Sincere compliments are always politically correct," I am not suggesting you override your good judgment or ignore the context or the personality of the person you're addressing.

A reader recently sent me a kind note regarding the column, telling me that early in life she had a teacher who told her to send "flowers to the living" by expressing appreciation. I've not met a person yet who feels overappreciated.

We all get to choose the risks we take to send sincere "flowers to the living" to the people we see in the workplace every day.

The last word(s)

Q: I can't stand my boss's "pet" employee. I'm expected to socialize and be charming at many work events with this person. Help!

A: Better to aim for "strong and silent" around your co-worker than to make your dislike crystal clear.

Daneen Skube, Ph.D., is an executive coach, trainer, therapist, speaker and author of "Interpersonal Edge: Breakthrough Tools for Talking to Anyone, Anywhere, About Anything" (Hay House, 2006). She can be reached at 1420 N.W. Gilman Blvd., No. 2845, Issaquah, WA 98027-7001; by e-mail at interpersonaledge@comcast.net; or at www.interpersonaledge.com. Sorry, no personal replies. To read other Daneen Skube columns, go to www.seattletimes.com/daneenskube