Advertising

The Seattle Times Company

NWjobs | NWautos | NWhomes | NWsource | Free Classifieds | seattletimes.com

The Seattle Times

Business / Technology


Our network sites seattletimes.com | Advanced

Originally published August 5, 2007 at 12:00 AM | Page modified August 5, 2007 at 2:04 AM

E-mail article     Print view

Interpersonal Edge

Keep context in mind when giving compliments

Q: I have a question about the column in which you told a reader who wanted to compliment co-workers that "sincere compliments are always...

Tribune Media Services

Q: I have a question about the column in which you told a reader who wanted to compliment co-workers that "sincere compliments are always politically correct." What if a co-worker felt sexually harassed by a compliment?

A: Your question addresses the critical importance of considering the context when we speak.

For instance, we might humorously say to our male boss, "Nice tie!" when we know he got that neon tie for Father's Day. Now imagine a male employee saying to a female co-worker, "Nice blouse!" when she's wearing a plunging neckline.

We usually know our co-workers. We know who is territorial, who is touchy and who is calm. It's not just politically correct but wise to consider whom we're speaking to before we decide what we're going to say.

The point is some risks are worth taking whether they are politically correct or not, and some risks are just plain foolish.

For instance, I counsel clients not to get romantically involved with co-workers, and in 30 years of executive coaching I've had 20 clients fall madly in love with a co-worker and find wedded bliss. I've had other clients end up with political messes after a failed love affair.

No newspaper columnist, author or expert knows as much about your specific situation, the specific people you are dealing with and the risks you are willing to take as you do.

So when I say, "Sincere compliments are always politically correct," I am not suggesting you override your good judgment or ignore the context or the personality of the person you're addressing.

A reader recently sent me a kind note regarding the column, telling me that early in life she had a teacher who told her to send "flowers to the living" by expressing appreciation. I've not met a person yet who feels overappreciated.

We all get to choose the risks we take to send sincere "flowers to the living" to the people we see in the workplace every day.

The last word(s)

Q: I can't stand my boss's "pet" employee. I'm expected to socialize and be charming at many work events with this person. Help!

A: Better to aim for "strong and silent" around your co-worker than to make your dislike crystal clear.

Daneen Skube, Ph.D., is an executive coach, trainer, therapist, speaker and author of "Interpersonal Edge: Breakthrough Tools for Talking to Anyone, Anywhere, About Anything" (Hay House, 2006). She can be reached at 1420 N.W. Gilman Blvd., No. 2845, Issaquah, WA 98027-7001; by e-mail at interpersonaledge@comcast.net; or at www.interpersonaledge.com. Sorry, no personal replies. To read other Daneen Skube columns, go to www.seattletimes.com/daneenskube

Copyright © 2007 The Seattle Times Company

More Business & Technology headlines...

E-mail article Print view      Share:    Digg     Newsvine

advertising

UPDATE - 08:37 PM
Rainier Pacific Financial calls rescue 'unlikely'

Brier Dudley: New handbook for Google, Droid users

Google snaps up mobile ad startup for $750 million

Plans call for Triangle to become West Seattle gateway

Abortion could roil Senate health care debate

Advertising

Video

Medal of Honor
Bruce Crandall and John "Bud" Hawk of Kitsap County say no one "wins" the Medal of Honor. The two recipients of the medal explain they weren't trying to be heroes - just do their duty.

Pelosi answers questions at Swedish Medical Center
Pelosi speaks at Swedish Medical Center
"Pistol" Pete Ryan
Mourners gather at KeyArena for slain officer's memorial
Procession for slain SPD officer
Election Night: Approve R-71
Election Night: Reject R-71
Election Night: Joe Mallahan
Election Night: Mike McGinn

Marketplace

nwautos

2009's most fuel-efficient sedansnew
Choosing a new sedan? Weigh the impact of your choice on your wallet and on the planet.
Post a comment

Open Houses

Find this weekend's open house listings.
Or search by location:

 
Most read
Most commented
Most e-mailed
 
 
Advertising