Pixilated proposals appropriate for some

A few months ago, a wedding site pitched me about how e-mail can be a valuable tool for planning the big day, and how happy couples can go online for everything from band auditions to menu planning. Because weddings are complicated social occasions, there are a lot of things that won't work electronically. And while electronic invitations and thank-you notes get close to the acceptable line, it's impossible to visualize proposing marriage any way but in person.

Today, however, the same people are telling us that it is not only appropriate, but a favorable way to invite someone to jump the old broomstick. Said WedAlert.com co-founder Kristen Ciccolella, "A lot of people think that proposing online is fun and spontaneous."

There is the no-frills method of a simple question to pop up as you hit "send and receive." But the possibilities are endless. You could prepare a presentation or a short video for your intended to view along with the message. You could link to a calendar that indicates a wedding date, or a special "will you marry me" Web page. Or send a message popping the question and provide physical support: Hide the ring behind the monitor or, better yet, pop out of the shadows for a romantic smooch. In any case, there is technology to support whatever your imagination requires.

While some statistics show senior citizens and teenagers spend the most time online, Ciccolella said online proposals are a young person's game. Those of us on the high side of 40 may embrace the technology on one level, while remaining convinced that some electronic acts violate standards of etiquette and decency. This will eventually be tempered by time. People who grew up with e-mail and see nothing odd about sharing such joys online will take over the world soon enough.

Besides, it wasn't so long ago when some thought that asking someone out by telephone indicated disrespect. Once people get used to the technology it becomes a tool rather than a destination. And those who grow up communicating a certain way will find it a completely natural way to plan a big moment.

Ciccolella said a couple who met online might find an electronic proposal appropriate, sort of like someone who had their first date in a particular park and returned there to take it to another level.

Aside from judging correctly that your intended is tuned in to an electronic proposal, you need to make sure you have an active mailbox.

We are all accustomed to sending messages and getting no response, only because the recipient feels the content isn't important enough to acknowledge. Such reaction is one thing when it comes to a business proposal; ignoring a marriage proposal is a more devastating act. Or you would hope. For this reason, Ciccolella suggests attaching a return receipt to any e-mail proposal.

This process is getting less romantic each minute. But every argument I develop against online proposal melts away, as I consider my old-fogeyness. For instance, common decency might demand that you would accept an electronic proposal in like manner, but have the guts to decline it in person. But maybe someone in that position could send OMDB as a response, and the sender would know that stands for "over my dead body."

"These aren't the people who will get married at [New York's posh] Tavern on the Green," Ciccolella said of the e-proposal crowd. "This is a whole new generation."

If you have questions or suggestions for Charles Bermant, you can contact him by e-mail at cbermant@seattletimes.com. Type Inbox in the subject field. More columns at www.seattletimes.com/columnists.