Don't jump into legal fight too hastily

Q: I read your column but have noticed you don't recommend consulting a lawyer when people step over the line legally. When a behavior is illegal, shouldn't people enforce their rights?

A: I often do suggest that in situations involving possible illegal actions, it's always an option to talk to the human-resources department or consult an attorney.

I don't emphasize this option because my background is in counseling and management consulting. I can't provide in-depth information on the law in this column.

In addition, I find some people are too eager to jump to a legal battle before they've really exhausted the interpersonal solutions. People seem to think that the law will bring them justice or emotional validation, but a legal fight rarely creates this outcome.

This doesn't mean you shouldn't educate yourself about your rights under the law. However, going in and using it as a bat is like waving a red flag at a bull.

There is one situation where I do advise people to skip diplomacy and go straight to an office authority or a legal adviser. This can be important when you're dealing with a person who has a personality disorder (this is a small percentage of the population).

People who are truly emotionally disturbed will not respect negotiation no matter how well you do it, but they do respond to authority.

Since I'm not an attorney, I asked Laurence Severance, a Seattle litigation attorney, for his thoughts on how to use the law in a workplace problem.

"I advise clients to choose their battles carefully," Severance said. "If someone turns to the legal system mainly to address emotional issues, the likelihood of achieving a 'successful outcome' is very small.

"Be aware that a typical 'good' settlement is one where neither party goes away happy, mainly because both had to make significant concessions to settle. When cases don't settle, the expense of litigation may result in the attorneys being the only real winners."

Q: Don't you think people should grow up and stop acting like babies at work?

A: Inside each of us is a "baby" in and out of the workplace. It gets frustrating that we can look so tall and act so small. But like real babies, most respond better to clear limits and kindness than criticism.

Daneen Skube, Ph.D., is an executive coach, trainer, therapist, speaker and author of "Interpersonal Edge: Breakthrough Tools for Talking to Anyone, Anywhere, About Anything" (Hay House, 2006). She can be reached at 1420 N.W. Gilman Blvd., No. 2845, Issaquah, WA 98027-7001; by e-mail at interpersonaledge@comcast.net; or at www.interpersonaledge.com. Sorry, no personal replies. To read other Daneen Skube columns, go to www.seattletimes.com/daneenskube