Is honesty always the best policy?

Q: You often recommend that people give co-workers the benefit of the doubt.

I was taught that honesty is the best policy.

Why not just confront people with the truth?

A: As a consultant, I often see people who tell "the truth" without noticing there's a human being on the receiving end of their communication.

Keep in mind there are many angles to the truth.

I recommend my clients choose words that are kind, allow others to save face and focus on the clients' ultimate goal.

There are folks who figure they live in America, the home of free expression, and no one can limit their language.

They agree that yelling "Fire!" in a crowded theater could get them in trouble, but anything else that pops into their minds comes out their mouths — damn the torpedoes and others' reactions.

These folks are correct that they have the right to free expression.

However, they also have the right to expect that other people may not react well to their frankness.

Sometimes there's no option but to say something that will make you unpopular.

But telling the truth in a brutal manner is never necessary and can come with consequences that include lost promotions, lost jobs and lost opportunities.

We can decide that kindness is also a virtue.

Our world isn't exactly suffering from a surplus of compassion, and naked honesty doesn't seem to be fixing any of our big corporate or global problems.

Unfortunately, the intention to be kind without a toolkit of good interpersonal tools goes nowhere. It's like trying to drive on a new road without a vehicle designed for the journey.

And learning to drive a new vehicle takes work and maybe making a few mistakes.

We all have the right to offer our unvarnished opinions or to be more thoughtful and more effective.

We are each completely in the driver's seat about how and what we communicate.

The last word(s)

Q: I made a mistake with a customer and am hoping he doesn't find out. Is it a bad idea to try and cover my tracks?

A: Yes. A mistake lasts a moment. Broken trust lasts a lifetime.

Daneen Skube, Ph.D., is an executive coach, trainer, therapist and speaker. She can be reached at 1420 N.W. Gilman Blvd., No. 2845, Issaquah, WA 98027-7001; by e-mail at interpersonaledge@comcast.net; or at www.interpersonaledge.com. Sorry, no personal replies. To read other Daneen Skube columns, go to: www.seattletimes.com/daneenskube