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Daneen Skube / Interpersonal Edge
Patience plus passion equals empowerment in job hunting

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Q: I really want a job in a new industry. I've been interviewing for a year without success. I'm demoralized, tired and ready to give up. How do you know when you're barking up the wrong tree or wimping out?

A: How will you feel when you're 90 if you give up? This question is a favorite of mine to ask clients when they are making big decisions.

Thinking of ourselves at 90 gives us perspective we don't possess at our current stage and age. When we imagine ourselves down the road, we can see some dreams are based on stuff that won't matter at 90. Other dreams would render our lives meaningless if we give them up.

If you look back from 90 and know this new industry is where your heart and soul are longing to go, don't give up. Figure you've just been learning hundreds of way to not approach your change. We live in a microwave culture that figures if a dream doesn't materialize quickly, the dream is wrong. Sometimes life is just getting us ready or showing us what doesn't work.

Patience combined with persistence is a powerful force. Ask yourself what you haven't tried. Sometimes when we want something we don't have, we feel embarrassed. So we play it cool and don't take many risks. Most dreams worth their salt require us to put our desire to look cool on the back burner. Who have you not asked to help you and what have you not tried because you're afraid you might look foolish?

I remember the guy who hit the news about a year ago because at the height of the recession he made up a funny sign about being an unemployed executive and went to stand out near the middle of some freeway. He got a job.

Being patient and persistent doesn't mean you won't struggle with burnout and discouragement. Sometimes it helps to take a vacation, literally or figuratively, and then come back to problem- solving the goal.

Struggling to find the answer is like planting a field, but downtime provides the sun that lets the solution emerge.

The last word(s)
 
Q: So how charming do you need to be to turn a jerk into a reasonable person?

A: Genuine jerks are equal-opportunity offenders. Regardless of how charming you are, they will remain jerks.

Daneen Skube, Ph.D., can be reached at 1420 N.W. Gilman Blvd., No. 2845, Issaquah, WA 98027-7001; by e-mail at interpersonaledge@comcast.net; or at www.interpersonaledge.com. Include a daytime phone number. Sorry, no personal replies. To read other Daneen Skube columns, go to: www.seattletimes.com/daneenskube.