As Oscar weeps, Theron goes lite-sci

Come on. It's not as bad as all that.

"Aeon Flux," the movie Paramount was hiding from the nation's movie critics, is just a good looking, empty-headed, empty-hearted sci-fi failure. And there's no shame in that.

If you tuned in to MTV in the mid '90s, you probably caught the original cartoon. A lean, mean killing machine in black vinyl and thigh-high boots punched, shot, bit and cut her way through a labyrinthine lab and government complex on her way to kill some creepy James Woods look-alike dictator.

She didn't talk much. She had no past. Nobody talked much. Nothing was explained.

And in the dark ages before 3-D animation, nothing looked as cool as this assassin-babe who caught flies in her eyelashes. In a world of shadows and eye shadow, she was the hottest cartoon character since Jessica Rabbit.

The live-action movie version of "Aeon" ignores the mystery. Aeon chats. A lot. Everything is explained. That's a pity.

Four hundred years in the future, a depopulated Earth is reduced to living in one big city. A "chairman" (Marton Csokas) runs the show. Rebels, using communicator pills, higher-than-high-tech gadgets and fairly conventional firearms, are trying to kill him.

Oscar-winner Frances McDormand, dolled up like the Bride of Frankenstein and visited only in trancelike visions, orders the hit. And Aeon (Oscar-winner Charlize Theron) is her ace assassin. Teamed up with Sithandra (Oscar-nominee Sophie Okonedo), Aeon must penetrate the leader's offices and take him down.

The plot is a blend of lesser sci-fi themes and gimmicks. The dialogue is heavy on the "Apocalypse Now"-styled voice-over — "I had a life. Now all I had was a mission."

Director Karyn Kusama made "Girlfight," the best female-boxing picture. But this has no edge, even in its brawls. The movie was shot in daylight, which undercuts the mystery further.

Theron's look and performance seem inspired by her "Monster" co-star Christina Ricci. Yes, she has her supermodel body back, which she slides into a kicky jumpsuit. But in the cartoon, it wasn't kicky, it was kinky. This isn't nearly as titillating as the cartoon. The movie has no sex, little skin and only a couple of decent catfights, nothing we didn't see once a week on TV's "Alias" when Jennifer Garner wasn't pregnant.

It's not terrible. It's not so bad that it's fun. It's just watchably bad, which is no reason to watch it at all.