Kay McFadden / Times staff columnist
Networks' new fall shows derived from familiar formulas

MARK GREENBERG / AP Sir Richard Branson makes an entrance wearing a rocket pack in the Virgin Megastore in New York. Surrounding him are people waiting to register to be in his new Fox reality show "Branson Protégé."

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NEW YORK — The upfronts are over and the networks have chosen.

A glance at the 2004-2005 season reveals the most-favored formulas again will be police procedurals, harried parents and shows awarding cash for what we laughingly call "reality." TV spinoffs have entered the wringer cycle.

Fortunately, category is not the only indicator of quality or imagination. Talent can make a world of difference between an "Alias" and a "Tru Calling," even if both feature comely young crime-solvers and both are coming back.

Though still in their larval state, most of the new series introduced here last week displayed clips. These samples presumably represent the best that's yet to come.

But many a pilot may be rejiggered — even "Joey," which NBC daringly screened in its entirety.

The assessments that follow are not reviews. Rather than peer through a murky telescope and conclude there's life on Mars, our "crit-think" simply examines the lichen and ice that indicate vitality or extinction.

To make the contents easier for you to absorb, returning and new shows are divided by network and into two parts. Part One today covers ABC, CBS and Fox; Part Two tomorrow finishes with NBC, UPN and The WB.

Because the purpose of the upfronts is to solicit commercial spending, I also spent time trying to learn the advertisers' point of view.

Many thanks to the corporate buyers whose unguarded responses to what they saw provided "ad-think" insight.

ABC

Back: "Alias" (in January), "Monday Night Football," "My Wife and Kids," "George Lopez," "According to Jim," "NYPD Blue," "The Bachelor," "Extreme Makeover," "Primetime Live" (new title), "8 Simple Rules," "Hope & Faith," "Less Than Perfect," "20/20," "Wonderful World of Disney," "America's Funniest Home Videos," "Extreme Makeover: Home."

New:

"The Benefactor": Reality series in which billionaire businessman Mark Cuban gives a million bucks to one of 16 contestants who surmount challenges.

Crit-think: Who is Mark Cuban?

Ad-think: I'm not buying the owner of the Dallas Mavericks as the next Donald Trump.

"Grey's Anatomy" (in January after football): Drama about female surgical interns.

Crit-think: That's two ABC pilots that look like downscale rip-offs of NBC shows.

Ad-think: It'll run opposite "CSI: Miami," so ABC apparently is throwing away the male audience once "Monday Night Football" ends.

"Rodney": Stand-up comedian Rodney Carrington stars as average middle-class schmo who quits job to become stand-up comedian.

Crit-think: Not another fat husband with a skinny, understanding wife. Noooo!

Ad-think: Good fit between "According to Jim" and "NYPD Blue." We can get an entire night of product placement for fat husbands with skinny, understanding wives.

"Lost": Plane crashes on exotic island and survivors are left to contend with the thing out there in the mist.

Crit-think: Looks exciting. It's from "Alias" creator J.J. Abrams. But it can be a long-running series only if they're too incompetent to get off that island.

Ad-think: Wednesdays at 8 are up for grabs. Abrams has a great track record.

"Wife Swap": Reality series in which housewives from different backgrounds exchange homes and families for a week (sleeping with the new husband is not part of the deal).

Crit-think: The clip of a New Jersey obsessive-compulsive and a California New-Ager adjusting to each other's household was pretty funny.

Ad-think: With "CSI: New York" and "Law & Order" slugging it out, women may go here.

"Life As We Know It": Coming-of-age dramedy about three teenage boys in Seattle learning about sex.

Crit-think: Feels like the novel may have been dumbed down in its transition to TV. Certainly no "Freaks & Geeks."

Ad-think: The target audience is unclear. And it's opposite "CSI" and "The Apprentice."

"Savages": Mel Gibson-produced sitcom about single dad with large all-boy family.

Crit-think: "Malcolm in the Middle" minus mom and the underlying emotional charge.

Ad-think: Good fit after "8 Simple Rules" and as part of a revived "TGIF" lineup.

"Desperate Housewives": Soap opera about a perfect suburban wife who kills herself, then narrates the not-so-perfect lives of her former contemporaries.

Crit-think: The most interesting and original of ABC's new series. Dark comedy, good actresses, must steer clear of clichés.

Ad-think: Dark makes me nervous. Could draw younger women who don't watch the "CBS Sunday Night Movie."

"The Practice: Fleet Street": James Spader and William Shatner co-star in wackier spinoff of original.

Crit-think: Creator David E. Kelley needs a year off from tacky sex and social justice.

Ad-think: Original "Practice" fans may tune in, but "Crossing Jordan" will be competing.

CBS

Back: "60 Minutes" (both editions), "Cold Case," "CBS Sunday Movie," "Still Standing," "Everybody Loves Raymond," "Two and a Half Men," "CSI: Miami," "NCIS," "Judging Amy," "The King of Queens," "Survivor," "CSI," "Without a Trace," "Joan of Arcadia," "JAG," "48 Hours Mystery" (new title), "The Amazing Race."

New:

"Listen Up": Jason Alexander stars in sitcom based loosely on sports columnist Tony Kornheiser and his tendency to write about friends and family.

Crit-think: Hasn't everybody figured out that Jason Alexander can't carry a TV show?

Ad-think: Why should I shell out for a guy forever identified with KFC?

"Clubhouse": Multigenerational drama about a 16-year-old who becomes batboy for a professional baseball team, to the surprise of his single mom and rebellious older sister. He acquires a role model and a father figure in the process.

Crit-think: Love the concept. Love the cast, including Mare Winningham, Christopher Lloyd and Dean Cain. Hope it won't be sappy.

Ad-think: A wholesome family production. Baseball may bridge the viewer gap between "NCIS" and "Judging Amy."

"Center of the Universe": John Goodman is the harried husband, father and son that tries to keep things normal amid zany relatives.

Crit-think: John Goodman is great. I just can't bear another one of these shows.

Ad-think: John Goodman is great. Viewers have an endless appetite for these shows.

"CSI: NY": Spinoff set in the Big Apple and starring Gary Sinise.

Crit-think: Sinise and Melina Kanakaredes ("Providence") have high recognition. Time slot rival "Law & Order" is waning, with Jerry Orbach leaving for an "L&O" spinoff.

Ad-think: Aaa-OOO-ga.

	CLIFF LIPSON / AP Emmy Award-nominee Rob Lowe, left, and Emmy Award-winner Joe Pantoliano, share a scene in CBS' "Dr. Vegas."

"Dr. Vegas": Casino owner Joe Pantoliano and in-house doctor Rob Lowe cross swords in this swingin' drama.

Crit-think: Joey Pants and Lowe have lots of fans. I just can't get what the show's about.

Ad-think: Joey Pants' last show failed. So did Lowe's. Friday at 10 is making Little Joe the hard way.

Fox

Fox took the radical step last week of introducing three different schedules for June, November and January, partly to surmount the difficulties of having its regular entertainment pre-empted by baseball playoffs in October. Next month, we'll have detailed reviews of June shows and times. Meanwhile, here's the entire June-November rundown.

Back: "Arrested Development," "Tru Calling," "That '70s Show," "Simple Life," "The Swan," "Bernie Mac," "American Idol," "The O.C.," "Cops," "America's Most Wanted," "24", "The Simpsons," "King of the Hill," "Malcolm in the Middle."

New:

"The Jury": Behind-the-scenes legal drama of jurors arguing cases.

Crit-think: "Twelve Angry Men" was a fine movie. I wouldn't watch it every week.

Ad-think: This heavy stuff does not compute with Fox's current audience.

"Quintuplets": Andy Richter returns as the frantic dad of teen quints.

Crit-think: Fox's decline is measured in canceling "Andy Richter Controls the Universe" and adding this weak "Malcolm" imitator.

Ad-think: Good fit after "That '70s Show." Now, explain the June-November thing again.

"Method & Red": Real hip-hop stars in sitcom about moving to a white New Jersey suburb.

Crit-think: It doesn't look good. But if it is, won't viewers expect to see it in the same time slot past November?

Ad-think: That's what I'm wondering!

"North Shore": Sunny Hawaii soap opera that owes a lot to "The O.C."

Crit-think: A Hawaii setting with no Hawaiian stars. And it's not clear you can build a TV franchise from "The O.C."

Ad-think: With two other networks setting series in Hawaii and going for younger viewers, I'll want to pick and choose.

"The Billionaire: Branson's Quest for The Best": Reality series in which Virgin empire founder Sir Richard Branson offers a job to the contestant who best endures a series of grueling physical contests.

Crit-think: All these billionaires offering money or jobs on shows are the TV equivalent of vanity publishing.

Ad-think: Branson didn't seem that catchy a personality when he pretended to parachute onstage.

"House": Pathologist heads team of medical detectives.

Crit-think: Star Hugh Laurie looked unconvincing. Enough "CSI" and "ER," already.

Ad-think: The longer I think about it, the more Fox's cost-per-minute rates are likely to go down.

"Related by Family": Ensemble comedy about dimwitted, self-empowered teenagers.

Crit-think: Just what the world needs; a 21st century version of "That '70s Show."

Ad-think: It's a better lead-out for "That '70s Show" than that "Quintuplets" thing.

"The Next Great Champ": Boxer Oscar de la Hoya guides real-life hopefuls.

Crit-think: If NBC's "The Contender" gets to the screen first, good luck.

Ad-think: Oscar de la Hoya can pull in Latino viewers, and we've got money for that.

"The Partner": Reality series pitting two law teams: the Ivy Leaguers vs. the Street-smarts.

Crit-think: Fox plays the class warfare angle well.

Ad-think: Wait for the scatter buy.

	DAN SMITH / AP "Frasier" star Kelsey Grammer, center, stands with the cast of his half-hour sketch comedy show, slated to air on Fox next January.

"Kelsey Grammer presents the Sketch Show": Half-hour quickie sketch comedy, with occasional cameos by ex-star of "Frasier."

Crit-think: Maybe the world is ready for another "Laugh-in," except I didn't laugh.

Ad-think: Sideshow Bob isn't enough to make Grammer a Fox kind of guy.

Have a favorite show you didn't see listed? It's probably canceled. Tomorrow: NBC, UPN and The WB.

Kay McFadden: kmcfadden@seattletimes.com

Copyright © 2004 The Seattle Times Company

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